As a young and single Christian woman, I often find it hard to engage the dating scene. It’s not that I don’t have a desire to. In fact, I would love to go on dates and get to know someone with the potential of a serious relationship. However, there’s a huge problem…
I’m supposed to be “waiting on my man of God.”
At least, that’s what I’m told. Now don’t get me wrong, I do not think that a woman should throw herself at the first man she meets. In fact, I’m pretty old school in that I’d personally like the man to approach me. But I think it’s perfectly okay for a woman to engage a man without fear of missing out on her “Boaz.”
This idea of “waiting to be found” is a mental prison that has no Scriptural basis.
No, I’m not saying that waiting in and of itself is a bad thing. Patience is a fruit of the Spirit (Gal 5:22). But what I’m saying is that the idea of refraining from courtship until a man mystically appears is absurd. Is Gods gift of choice and desire for nothing? When we wait with this mentality, we find ourselves stressed out when there is no “Boaz” in sight. In fact, when we aren’t pursued, we begin to question why God doesn’t want us to be married – to find love. Or we, in turn, blame God when things don’t go right with the one we chose.
And don’t get me wrong, Christian women aren’t the only ones trapped in a mental prison in this regard. I find that a vast majority of my Christian guy friends have their own problem – they’re waiting to hear God say, “that’s her.” And because of this, there’s no wonder Christian women are single – he’s too busy waiting for the wrong thing!
But I pose this alternative – instead of waiting to be found, and waiting to hear God say, “that’s her,” let us patiently get to know a person and discover if they have the characteristics of a good spouse as seen in Scripture. To my guy friends, if you want a wife, go out and look for a wife (Prov 31:10, 18:22)! A man who doesn’t look cannot find. And while Scripture does not tell you who she is, it indeed gives many descriptions of what kind of wife to look for (Prov 31, 12:4, 21:9, 27:15, etc).
And to my sisters, it is okay to engage a man and get to know him. The man of God you should marry is one who will love you as Christ loved the church (His bride) and gave His life for her (Eph 5:25). But you will never know if he is that kind of man if you don’t allow him to pursue you.
There is so much more to be said about this topic but I will leave you with this…By all means, brothers and sisters, let us exercise wisdom in choosing a significant other. But don’t be afraid to choose because choice is a gift from God!
Note: Read Amy Davis Abdallah’s post on Danger in “The One”