Have you ever taken the Enneagram? Well, if you have or you haven’t, you can read about it here. Any way, I took this personality test a few months ago and found out that, BIG SURPRISE (insert sarcasm here), I am the romantic! Clearly, those who know me are not put off by this bit of information. But learning this, “officially,” has really shed some light on some things.
So, here we go again with the whole, “peering into my diary” thing…I had come to hate that I am such a lovey-dovey person. In the past, I had reflected on this personality trait and saw it as a flaw. I look back to when I believe it started. I can remember being in middle school and being taunted by some of the high school students because I had a big crush on one of their friends. Later in life, I realized that this teasing, to a little girl who had really low self-esteem, had damaging effects. I was subliminally taught that my affections were a bad thing.
This false idea stayed with me into my adulthood! And, what didn’t help was that any man that I ever tried to love rejected that love for whatever reason. So, I was not really feeling the idea of being in love. Moreover, I have never been in a serious relationship before so I had been getting a little discouraged about that. I mean, who has NEVER been in a relationship by the time they turn 25? *Note – I realize how ridiculous that sounds because I am so young…but stay with me!*
Any way, in reflecting on how much I despise being an emotional lovey-dovey person, I realize that I was denying a major part of who I am because of other people! So, in my prayer journal, I was talking to God about my neglect to see myself and love myself the way He does. And I had to come to the conclusion that my affections are not a bad thing. I had convinced myself of this and now, it was time for me to denounce this lie!
My love is not a weakness. In fact, God, in His sovereignty, has founded the earth on the basis of His love. It was because of God’s love that the earth rotates on its axis to provide us with both day and night. It was because of God’s love that the earth is not one inch closer to or further from the sun. It was because of God’s love that Christ took the form of humanity in order to reconcile us back to the Father. And it is God’s love that calls us to love our neighbors as ourselves.
So, I came to the conclusion that my love is not a weakness but rather, my love is fruitful; It has the power to bring forth life. But, the key is, discerning the times and the seasons. I must be able to discern when and where to sow the seeds of my love. This doesn’t mean not loving all of your neighbors. Rather, it means knowing when and where you are safe to till the ground in which you sow.
So, my dear friends, I pray that this little peek into my diary has helped you come to the conclusion that like me, your love is not a weakness – it is the seed of fruit with which you have the capacity to bring forth life. Be a discerner of when and where you can sow your seeds. And, if someone does not receive your love, don’t curse them. Rather, bless them to become fertile ground even in your absence – because some folks you simply do not need to be around (and those are just facts *insert shrug here*).
Peace and blessings to you!