You Deserve to be Happy…Too?

Yes, you read that right.


Okay wait…let me backtrack…

Let’s be honest, moving on is hard. Whenever you give your heart to someone in any capacity and things don’t work out, it can be very difficult to move on. After all you’ve given and sacrificed to demonstrate your love for them, it’s hard to imagine yourself loving again. Or is it just me?

“Can I trust anyone?”
“Is it even worth it?”
“Will anyone even want me with all of my flaws?”
“Heck…can I even trust my own self to love again?”

These questions often torment us as we seek to move forward with our lives. We already have to readjust our routines because they no longer include the other person. And to add to that, we have to deal with issues of low self-esteem that come as we replay what went wrong in the relationship?

This reality can be summed up with a resounding, “Dis tew much!”

While thinking about this, I recalled a “situation-ship” (because I’ve never been in a relationship) that I found myself in a while back. We weren’t officially anything but we were getting there…so I thought.

The timing in which we met was quite interesting because I had previously vowed that I was not interested in romantic love for a while. Because of countless failed attempts at love, I was at a place where I simply wanted to “do me” and enjoy the season that I was in. And then he came along. We hit it off so well! The conversations were really good – intellectual and life-giving! He was really sweet and thoughtful and I soon found myself developing feelings. So, I thought, why not let this happen. I mean, it’s not often that you hit it off so quickly with someone right?

Things were going really well! And then, the other shoe dropped. Without warning, what I thought could lead to forevercame to an abrupt END! I found out that he was no longer interested in me and had given his heart to someone else.

I was confused and hurt. I was left wondering what was wrong with me? Why does this always happen to me? Aren’t I a good woman? A good person? All I ever wanted to do was love him.

This put a really sour taste in my mouth and I wanted to shut down. It all just seemed so pointless. I mean, why would I continue to put my heart on the line if nobody wants it? They all just choose someone else over me anyway, right? This broken record wasn’t getting old – it’s BEEN old – old, raggedy, and dead. I was tired of being chosen over.

I couldn’t help but sit in my pain and shut down my heart because I was tormented by the idea that everyone else gets to be happy in love except me.

But, in recent reflection it dawned on me…

Why can’t I be happy too?

Just because someone decided that they’d rather be with someone else does not mean that I can’t be happy in love too!

Our ex-lovers are going to move on. That’s just the reality. But we cannot get in the way of our own happiness by stressing over what went wrong. I once heard a quote that said, “You can’t drive forward looking in the rearview mirror”(source unknown). I think sometimes we become prisoners of our pasts because we allow the failed attempts to represent the trajectory of our futures. When, the reality is, your romantic happiness is contingent upon your willingness to let go of what didn’t work and to PURSUE something new!

Release and pursuit require courage.So, you’re going to have to talk yourself into it. And while some days will be better than others, you must take one day at a time. Because, if you really want to experience romantic love, I believe that you have to go for it. It’s difficult to live in the freedom that the breakup has manifested when you enslave your mind to the idea of a relationship that failed.

It didn’t work out and they are moving on. So, why don’t you move on too?

I know it’s hard to imagine but you deserve to be happy too!

Peace and Blessings!

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